I am ready to get back to work tomorrow. I’m excited to see my co-workers, get out of the house, see some kiddos. I am not worried about getting through the day tomorrow, or the week next week. So why is the voice in my head threatening me with You’re not good enough and You will eventually fail again? I became consumed in fear and sadness that I cannot carry on a normal, functional life; that I can’t wake up every day and go to work like a ‘normal’ person. I let this get to me so strongly today, that I decided to go to sleep in the middle of the afternoon in order to allow my mind rest from the lies that depression was convincing me to be the truth.
My support system swooped me up today. My husband would not give up in getting me up and out of bed when he got home from work. I woke up to a completely unexpected and sweet gift from my aunt. I shared with my husband the supportive texts I got from a co-worker today who offered to help with my transition back to work tomorrow, and the other simple e-mail exchanges I had with colleagues warmly welcoming me back.
I don’t have anything creative or artsy to say. I don’t have pre-planned words of wisdom to end on today. I didn’t even plan to write this post. I just feel overwhelmed with gratitude and want to remind all of us who are struggling: Depression and that voice of self-doubt and criticism will lie to you. And it will seem so true that you believe it. All we can do is keep fighting, keep challenging that voice, and maybe eventually that voice will get more and more quiet, have less and less power, and ignoring it will not be so hard anymore. Love to all who are fighting today…keep fighting, friends ❤